We talk a lot about Melani and her “We Do Not Care Anymore” Movement—and yes, we love her! She truly gets it. But this doesn’t necessarily have to mean “letting yourself go.” Sometimes, it’s simply about expressing yourself authentically and reserving your energy for what truly matters to you—by choice, not by default.

For decades, the struggles of perimenopause and menopause—insomnia, hot flashes, brain fog, and mood swings—were often endured quietly, with women suffering in isolation. Today, thanks to Melani Sanders, founder of the We Do Not Care Club (WDNC) on social media, millions of women have a vibrant space to voice their experiences, share relatable challenges, and celebrate the humor and honesty of midlife transitions.

If you spend any time on Instagram, and your algorithm allows, you’ve met Melani. Melani has created a movement that resonates deeply with women navigating midlife, capturing the humor, courage, and liberation that come with embracing authenticity. Known for her distinctive style—often spotted with multiple pairs of readers dangling from her body—she embodies playfulness alongside wisdom, reminding women that self-expression and confidence can coexist at any stage of life. Her work celebrates emotional honesty, boundary-setting, and self-alignment, offering a voice that many women feel mirrors their own inner experience. Beyond trendiness, Melani provides a supportive, validating framework for women to reclaim energy, make intentional choices, and approach life with clarity and confidence.

Samantha (34) is a marketing executive in Manhattan, ambitious and socially active. She has a history of anxious attachment and a high need for certainty in relationships. Daniel (36) is a software developer, calm and introspective, often conflict-avoidant. He values stability and enjoys the predictability of routines. Samantha and Daniel have been together for 3 years. They moved in together last year and have a generally loving relationship, but over the past six months, conflicts have escalated dramatically. The tension is centered around Samantha’s intense doubts about Daniel’s feelings and past interactions, particularly when his words and actions don’t align perfectly.

Are you a woman in NYC navigating the challenges of perimenopause and menopause? Hormonal changes during this transitional stage can bring mood swings, anxiety, fatigue, and heightened stress to the surface. At Holistic Therapy, EMDR & Wellness NYC, I specialize in supporting women through perimenopause with talk therapy support, education,somatic therapy, mindfulness, and other supportive holistic approaches that help manage emotional shifts, release tension, and regain balance.

Perimenopause and menopause can bring major emotional and cognitive shifts that may leave you wondering, “What’s happening to me?”If you’re experiencing mood swings, anxiety, or brain fog, you’re not alone. These symptoms are common and are linked to natural hormonal changes that affect the brain and the body. Mental health challenges during menopause are often overlooked, even though this transitional period can bring increased symptoms of anxiety, depression, mood swings, and struggles with alcohol or substance use. Women with pre-existing conditions such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder may find their symptoms intensifying during perimenopause and menopause.

In New York City, the fast pace of life can leave both mind and body stressed, anxious, or burdened by unresolved trauma. Somatic therapy in NYC offers a revolutionary approach to mental health, combining traditional psychotherapy with body-centered techniques to promote holistic healing. At Holistic Therapy, EMDR & Wellness NYC, I specialize in somatic therapy, including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), helping clients release stored trauma, manage stress, and improve emotional well-being.

What Is Somatic Therapy?

Somatic therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the connection between the mind and body. Trauma, stress, and emotional pain are often stored physically in the body, leading to tension, chronic pain, or behavioral patterns. By observing and working with bodily sensations, therapists help clients process these experiences safely and effectively. The result is whole-body healing, addressing both mental and physical symptoms. If you’ve ever felt that traditional talk therapy only works with your mind and not your body, somatic therapy offers a holistic approach that engages your whole self.

These days, everyone seems to be talking about trauma bonds, and while the term has become part of pop-psychology vocabulary, the lived reality is far more complex than a viral headline. A trauma bond isn’t just an emotional attachment to someone who’s hurt you; it’s a physiological tether formed through cycles of fear and intermittent reward. In therapy, we move beyond labels to understand what’s actually happening in your nervous system—why breaking free can feel impossible, and how healing that bond requires compassion, safety, and time.

If you’ve ever left a toxic or emotionally abusive relationship and found yourself missing the person who hurt you, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. You may feel confused by your own emotions, ashamed that you still care, or angry that part of you longs for their approval. But this reaction isn’t weakness—it’s wiring. Trauma bonds are powerful, involuntary connections formed through cycles of affection, fear, and uncertainty. They’re psychological and physiological—woven into the body’s stress response and attachment system. Understanding how trauma bonds form is the first step in breaking free—not just from a person, but from the emotional conditioning that keeps you tied to pain.

We are all born with unique attributes and qualities. If we are fortunate enough to have optimal circumstances and nurturance along the way, we develop into secure adults. Adults with secure attachment and relational capacity are able to have meaningful experiences and relationships. They feel safe in the world and with others. Secure individuals are free to thrive.

As it turns out, most of us have had more adversity than is helpful. While some adversity makes us strong (we develop skill and resilience), too much adversity threatens to overwhelm us. It interferes with growth, because we are unable to feel safe, explore the world and develop adaptive coping strategies. Reduced capacity to cope naturally leads to anxiety, depression, addictions, compulsions, eating disorders and other troubling symptoms. When symptoms and poor coping takes over, our ability to establish healthy relationships, maintain those relationships and function well in the world is diminished. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to make an important connection to begin the healing process. The therapeutic relationship is one way to begin to heal.

Mental health seems to be experiencing a time of less stigma and greater awareness. People seem to feel safe sharing their mental health struggles on social media. The pandemic certainly led to an increase in loneliness, isolation, anxiety and terror, which led many to seek therapy and counseling, sometimes for the first time. This exploration to find a therapist also led to a great deal of confusion. With so many potential therapists and different therapeutic orientations, the big question becomes, “what’s the right type of therapy for me?”

Many want a quick fix as they enter therapy. Of course, short-term models that offer skill building and concrete interventions have their place. The problem with this strategy is that it rarely moves the needle when it comes to true healing.

Human well-being and the ability to flourish is only possible when we feel safe and secure in the world. When this basic need to feel safe is not met, our sympathetic nervous system is activated, and we default to and inhabit a “fight or flight” stress response. In flight-fight, anything not essential for immediate survival is turned off—this includes the immune system, the digestive system, the human growth and reproductive systems. When these systems are turned off for too long, or are turned on and off too frequently, they break down, leading to the illnesses of modernity: diabetes, heart disease, infertility, obesity, anxiety, depression, autoimmune diseases, sleep disorders, and on.

This activated stress response can lead to detrimental changes in the structure of the brain and negatively impact emotional regulation, attention, concentration, and memory. Psychologically, when in the stress response, we pre-consciously sense our very survival is at stake, and in this activated state, the natural state of being open, relaxed, and receptive is not available to us. Instead, we are vigilant and tense, psychologically defensive and contracted. In

What Makes a Relationship Last? Essential Habits of Emotionally Connected Couples

Couples who build emotionally satisfying and long-lasting partnerships often follow a quiet formula—a combination of relational insight, intentional behavior, and consistent effort. These are the couples who don't just survive the ups and downs of life together but thrive in a mutually supportive, emotionally rich dynamic.

At Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness NY, I frequently work with individuals and couples who long for deeper connection and harmony in their relationships. The good news is that relationship mastery is not an innate gift—it’s a set of skills that can be developed. According to world-renowned researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman, couples who succeed share key emotional habits and mindsets. They are what the Gottmans call the “masters” of relationships.

Here are key insights on what emotionally intelligent couples avoid—and what they intentionally practice—to create lasting love and connection.

What to Stop Doing in Your Relationship

If you're experiencing repeated conflict, emotional disconnection, or cycles of resentment, it may be time to examine the following unhelpful behaviors:

Stop keeping score
Keeping emotional tallies of who did what leads to resentment and emotional distance. A healthy relationship is not a transaction—it's a partnership based on mutual respect and shared effort. If you feel the load is uneven, bring it up with compassion and clarity using "I" statements instead of blame.

Avoid power struggles and emotional bullying
The need to be right or to win an argument can drain the vitality from your relationship. Consider whether it's worth the emotional toll. If you're pushing your partner to agree with you, or if your tone causes shutdown, try using more effective communication tools. Being right is not the same as being close.

Stop trying to change your partner
Attempts to control, fix, or "improve" your partner often lead to defensiveness and frustration. Instead, work on accepting your partner as they are—or change how you respond to the behaviors that trigger you. If your partner’s actions are harmful or destructive, seek help from a licensed couples therapist to explore boundary-setting and safety.

Don’t judge or dismiss your partner’s emotions
Feelings are not facts, but they are meaningful. When your partner shares emotional content, meet it with curiosity, not correction. You don't have to agree, but validating your partner's experience can open the door to deeper understanding and emotional intimacy.