There’s a kind of grief that doesn’t have a name. It’s not about a person or a place or a clear loss. It’s the ache of not being able to live as who you really are. At Holistic Therapy and Wellness New York, my boutique psychotherapy practice for vibrant New Yorkers, this silent grief shows up often. It speaks in the language of burnout, perfectionism, over-functioning, or anxiety that won’t quit—even when everything looks "fine." This is the pain, and the grief of the False Self.

Maybe you’ve spent your whole life being “the strong one.” The high-achiever. The peacekeeper. Maybe you’ve become so good at adapting, performing, pleasing, that you’ve started to forget who you were before the roles, before the masks. You might feel emotionally disconnected, chronically tired, or strangely out of place—even in a life that looks “good” from the outside. If you’ve ever wondered “Who am I, really?” or “Is there more to me than this?”—you’re not alone. And you’re not broken. What you’re feeling may be the voice of your True Self, quietly, persistently asking to be found again. If any of this resonates with you, at Holistic Therapy and Wellness New York, I help people like you explore these deeper questions—compassionately, gently, and at your own pace. This is a space where all your parts are welcome, even the ones you’ve hidden to survive. Especially those.

Winnicott: The Mirror We Never Had

British psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott, a pediatrician turned psychoanalytic visionary, didn’t speak in clinical riddles. He spoke in human terms. He taught that the True Self is not a luxury—it’s a necessity for living a life that feels real, alive, and meaningful. The True Self, in Winnicott’s view, is formed in early life through moments of attunement. When a baby cries and the caregiver responds—not perfectly, but good enough—something sacred happens: the child begins to trust the world, and themselves. Their feelings matter. Their needs don’t make them unlovable. They learn: I can exist, fully, and still be held.