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Gaslit by the System: How Perimenopausal & Menopausal Women With Mental Health Changes Are Dismissed by Doctors and Therapists
Perimenopause is a profound biological transition that marks the beginning of the end of a woman’s reproductive years. While many associate this phase with hot flashes and irregular periods, far less attention is given to the complex emotional and mental health changes that can arise as the many body-wide systems are impacted by hormone depletion. Typically high-functioning, already overwhelmed New York City women are caught off guard. For many, perimenopause is not just a hormonal shift but a neurological and psychological one, capable of reshaping how they think, feel, and relate to themselves and others.
My mental health is tanking—what’s happening to me?
So many women have no idea what is happening to them during perimenopause. They feel emotionally off-balance, disconnected, or unlike themselves—and often, they’re met with confusion or dismissal. Their doctors may be undereducated about the emotional and neurological dimensions of hormonal changes, or tell them they’re "too young" for hormone therapy. Many are left feeling brushed aside or undersupported. Compounding this is the reality that most mental health professionals receive little to no formal training on how hormonal transitions impact emotional well-being. This lack of awareness can leave women misdiagnosed, misunderstood, and unsure where to turn. In my Manhattan-based boutique psychotherapy practice, I regularly hear from high-functioning, high-achieving women who have been struggling in silence, unaware that their mental health challenges are rooted in hormonal change. Therapy that integrates an understanding of these transitions can be a game-changer—offering validation, regulation, and real tools for relief.
Emotional Turbulence At Perimenopause: Coping with Mental Health Changes & Hormonal Transitions
One day, you’re managing it all, the next, you're overwhelmed, edgy, crumpled in a heap, and fighting back tears—and sweating, don’t forget the sweating. It’s the kind of sweat that comes out of nowhere, drenching you in the middle of a meeting or while trying to sleep, leaving you feeling even more out of control, confused, and defeated. You have thoughts of exiting your life, even your relationships. It can feel that dramatic for mid-life perimenopausal women. Perimenopause can feel like a mysterious, overwhelming storm that suddenly disrupts your life, often without warning. For many women, it’s a time of confusion, frustration, and isolation, as they experience a range of physical and emotional symptoms that seem to come out of nowhere. Hot flashes, mood swings, anxiety, irritability, and disrupted sleep may appear with no clear explanation, leaving women wondering what’s happening to their bodies. For some, the transition can be so gradual that they don’t even recognize it as perimenopause at first. Instead, they may chalk it up to stress, aging, or even a personal failing, unaware that hormonal changes are quietly reshaping their lives. The reality is, perimenopause affects every woman differently, and many are left to navigate this journey without the clarity or support they need. But the good news is, you don’t have to endure it in silence or confusion. There are answers, and there are ways to regain control and find relief.
The suffering is real; few escape with only minor symptoms, often beginning in their late 30s and lasting a decade or more. Research indicates that up to 60-70% of women experience some form of emotional or psychological distress during perimenopause, including symptoms like anxiety, depression, mood swings, irritability, and sleep disturbances. As a licensed psychotherapist from New York City working almost exclusively with mid-life women, I see the suffering regularly. Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists often serve as the first point of care, providing more immediate and personalized support than doctors, who regularly dismiss emotional symptoms as part of the aging process. While doctors typically focus on physical symptoms and may prescribe medications such as antidepressants and anxiolytics, therapists specialize in exploring the mental and emotional aspects of perimenopause.