A NYC therapist’s perspective on what makes ENM both freeing and emotionally complex

Relationships are hard enough, and adding ethical non-monogamy can feel like turning the difficulty level up even further. In my NYC therapy practice, I work with people who want ENM to feel freeing—but sometimes it brings up jealousy, attachment wounds, and unexpected vulnerability.

As a sex-positive couple therapist in NYC, I see a growing number of individuals and couples exploring ethical non-monogamy. ENM can be a powerful way to build connection, expand intimacy, and honor desire—when it is entered with honesty and emotional awareness.

Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) and polyamory have become more visible and socially accepted in recent years. In a city like New York, where dating culture is fast, social circles overlap, and relationship norms are frequently challenged, ENM can feel like a natural alternative to monogamy. For some people, it is. For others, it becomes emotionally complicated in ways they didn’t anticipate.

ENM is not inherently “better” or “worse” than monogamy. It is simply a different relationship structure with its own demands, benefits, and risks. The question is not whether ENM is morally right or wrong, but whether it is emotionally sustainable and psychologically honest for the individuals involved.

What ENM Is—and What It Is Not

Ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that includes: