Well+Being Holistic Mental Health
Emotional Health & Wellness Tips From The Therapy Couch And Other Places
How EMDR Therapy Helps You Break the Trauma Bond
Trauma bonds are not ordinary attachments—they are survival-driven connections formed in the shadow of emotional abuse. They arise from repeated cycles of idealization and devaluation, warmth followed by withdrawal, praise laced with punishment. These unpredictable patterns of affection and cruelty create a powerful psychological hook that binds you to someone who may be hurting you. Even after the relationship ends, the imprint remains. You might find yourself thinking about them constantly, doubting your decision to leave, or craving their validation despite knowing how much pain they caused. This is not love. This is the trauma bond at work.
Trauma bonding is common in narcissistic relationships, emotionally abusive dynamics, and situations involving power imbalance. It leaves you stuck in a push-pull pattern where logic says “run,” but your nervous system says “stay.” You may intellectually understand that the relationship was toxic or unsafe, yet still feel pulled back in. That inner conflict—of knowing and still longing—is not a personal failure. It’s a trauma response.
Healing from this kind of emotional entanglement requires more than insight or willpower. It calls for a deeper level of healing—one that addresses the body’s stress response, rewires attachment pathways, and restores a sense of safety from the inside out. This is exactly where EMDR therapy proves to be a transformative and empowering tool for narcissistic abuse recovery.
When Tolerating Hurts: How Trauma Makes You Tolerate More Than You Should
People who have experienced trauma often develop an acute ability to endure discomfort, whether it's emotional, mental, or physical. Having navigated through profound adversity, their capacity to withstand pain and uncertainty becomes heightened over time. While this resilience can serve them in surviving difficult situations, it can also create a paradox—what was once a survival mechanism becomes a pattern of tolerating unhealthy dynamics, stifling growth, and preventing healing. This ability to endure, honed through hardship, can sometimes mean accepting stress, imbalance, and disconnection in relationships or everyday life. Yet, recognizing this tendency is the first step in breaking the cycle and reclaiming the power to prioritize well-being and growth.
Getting “Unstuck” With EMDR Therapy
As a psychotherapist and coach in Manhattan, I treat clients struggling with a range of concerns, from stress and life challenges to recovery from addictions and trauma. Many have suffered developmental trauma(s) or single incident trauma and now have symptoms of PTSD negatively impacting many aspects of their lives, including personal relationships and work.
In order to understand EMDR, one needs to be clear about how trauma can affect the brain. When an individual experiences a traumatic event or multiple traumas they may develop what is known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD as a response to the overwhelming event(s). When this occurs, the brain fails to successfully process the trauma leaving it "stuck" or "frozen" in the central nervous system. This often leads to numbness, dissociation, severe anxiety, depression, insomnia, addictions, physical complaints and an inability to experience "safety." In everyday life, in the here and now, the body fails to recognize that the person is now safe and it reacts as though the danger is current and in present time, leaving the individual in a state of emotional and physical arousal.
EMDR therapy as a treatment, is unique because it facilitates the processing of trauma information that has become "stuck" in the nervous system. The various elements of EMDR therapy serves to rewire the brain, calm the nervous system and lessen anxiety and symptoms. It "uploads" a more corrective experience, moving the client from pain and danger to "I survived," "It wasn't my fault" or "I did all that I could" as examples.
Virtual EMDR Therapy: A Modern Option For Lasting Healing
If traditional talk therapy has left you feeling discouraged with your healing progress, EMDR might be the solution that finally leads to symptom reduction. Many psychotherapists who are skilled with EMDR therapy are successfully working with their patients online using virtual EMDR. Many of us discovered that we could begin or continue EMDR Therapy virtually during the pandemic.
As a specialist in trauma therapy and an advanced level II EMDR practitioner in New York City, I have been helping patients heal and address challenges through online EMDR therapy. Many feel better after just a handful of sessions and will say “why didn’t my therapist tell me about this sooner?” Not everyone is trained in EMDR, but those who practice this modality know just how effective EMDR therapy is. EMDR is most commonly known to resolve PTSD and trauma. It’s also very effective for getting to the root cause of anxiety, depression, chronic sadness, addictions, compulsions, eating disorders, fears, phobias, grief, performance enhancement, and so much more.
EMDR therapy uses a process called Bilateral Stimulation to facilitate healing. Virtual EMDR therapists help patients process trauma using self-administered BLS by tapping on the knees, butterfly hug tapping or online software that stimulates rapid eye movement such as remotEMDR. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) focuses on reducing the impact that episodic distress, anxiety, fear, depression, phobias, triggers, negative emotions and traumatic memories have on your life.
Reclaim Your Identity By Healing Your Trauma
Healing Trauma: How Holistic Psychotherapy Can Help You Reclaim Safety, Stability, and Emotional Freedom
Trauma changes the brain—but healing does too.
At Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness NY, we understand that trauma—whether it’s a single overwhelming event or a history of chronic, developmental adversity—can fundamentally alter your nervous system, sense of safety, and ability to trust yourself and others. But we also know that with the right therapeutic support, the brain and body have an extraordinary capacity to rewire, rebuild, and recover.
Trauma Rewires The Brain—But So Does Healing
When traumatic experiences go unprocessed, they can keep the nervous system stuck in survival mode. Over time, the brain creates protective loops that perpetuate hyperarousal, emotional numbing, flashbacks, and a persistent feeling that the world is unsafe. These patterns are reinforced through repeated rumination, re-telling, and avoidance, deepening the grip trauma has on daily life.
The good news? Neuroplasticity—the brain’s natural ability to form new neural connections—allows us to release old trauma loops and build pathways rooted in safety, connection, and regulation. Therapy can support this transformation by offering resourcing, co-regulation, and reparative experiences that tell the body and brain: it’s safe to heal now.
“It’s Not Safe To Be Well”: The Hidden Belief That Keeps Trauma Alive
Many trauma survivors come to therapy with a surprising inner conflict—they deeply want to heal, yet feel resistance to feeling “well” or “whole.” This resistance is often rooted in a subconscious belief: if I relax, I won’t be ready for danger. Healing may feel unsafe, even threatening.
This belief is a survival strategy. After all, if you’ve been harmed before, staying hyper-vigilant can feel protective. But this chronic stress response blocks access to joy, connection, and rest. At Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness NY, we work gently to explore and reprocess these beliefs so that you can begin to experience wellness without fear.
What Does Trauma-Informed Healing Involve?
Each healing journey is unique. Whether you’re struggling with the effects of childhood trauma, sexual trauma, emotional abuse, medical trauma, or PTSD, our practice supports you in cultivating safety—internally and externally—before processing painful memories.
We offer therapy for trauma using modalities like: