While reading a thoughtful article on Lifehacks, I was reminded of just how much pride we take in our daily to-do lists—and how deeply modern culture, particularly here in New York City, worships at the altar of productivity. We’re a society of movers and shakers. Our calendars are full, our inboxes overflowing, and we often measure self-worth by what we’ve accomplished by the end of the day.

But here’s a gentle reframe worth considering:
What if feeling better—more grounded, more content, even happier—wasn’t about doing more, but about doing less?

This article introduced a refreshing concept: the Not-To-Do List. Instead of optimizing every moment for efficiency, this list invites us to look inward and ask:
What am I doing—mentally, emotionally, behaviorally—that’s contributing to my unhappiness?

It’s a powerful question. And one that brings many people to therapy.

Why Therapy Often Begins With Unlearning

As a therapist working with high-functioning individuals, I often hear a version of this:
“I just want to feel better.”
But feeling better isn’t just about goals or action steps—it’s often about identifying the hidden habits and mental scripts that are making life harder than it needs to be.

We rarely pause to take inventory of the things we do automatically—judgmental self-talk, perfectionism, emotional avoidance, people-pleasing, numbing behaviors—that, over time, chip away at our capacity for joy, peace, and connection.

The Lifehacks article suggests something radical: Start your emotional healing by creating a personal list of habits that generate misery. Then, ask yourself honestly:
How are these behaviors serving me—and what might it feel like to gently let them go?

Therapy Techniques That Help You Break Free From Self-Defeating Patterns