We’ve all been there—agreeing to something (again) that we knew wasn’t right for us. Now we’re stuck, overwhelmed, and resentful. How many times do we need to abandon our own needs, ignore that quiet inner voice, or sideline our authentic self before we realize it’s a pattern? The truth is, it often takes hitting that emotional breaking point—getting truly fed up with ourselves—before we’re ready to stop people-pleasing and start exploring why we keep putting ourselves last.

The issue of people-pleasing is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy. It’s more than just a habit—it’s often a deeply ingrained survival strategy, shaped by early experiences and reinforced over time. Because of this, it can feel almost hard-wired into your nervous system, which is why it’s so resistant to change through willpower alone.

If you frequently find yourself prioritizing other people’s comfort over your own, saying yes when you genuinely want to say no, or shrinking your needs to avoid conflict, you’re not just being “too nice”—you’re likely caught in a long-standing pattern that once kept you safe, but now keeps you stuck.

Therapy offers a space to explore where that pattern began, why it persists, and—most importantly—how to begin choosing yourself without guilt or fear.

People-pleasing isn’t just about being nice or agreeable. It’s often a survival strategy shaped by early life experiences, where maintaining harmony and avoiding conflict became essential to feeling safe, loved, or accepted. What may have once protected you has now become an exhausting, self-erasing habit.

At Holistic Psychotherapy, EMDR, and Wellness NY, I specialize in helping clients untangle these patterns—so you can stop living for others and start living for yourself.

EMDR Therapy, also known as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a popular form of healing, powerful healing. As people become more comfortable talking about their mental health concerns, we see more people discussing EMDR, especially celebrities. What is EMDR? When something terrible happens to us, it is stored in our brain and nervous system in a different way than our everyday experiences. Memories and sensations show up when we are least expecting it, just like that, your day has been hijacked. EMDR therapy helps to make the memory less disturbing.

Research reveals that EMDR is a powerful therapeutic approach for resolving symptoms of PTSD and for processing trauma and negative experiences. EMDR has been extensively researched and is recognized as effective by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association and the World Health Organization for treating PTSD. Many individuals experience significant symptom reduction and improvement in their overall well-being after undergoing EMDR therapy.