In a city like New York, people are used to moving quickly, managing complexity, and holding themselves together under pressure. Many of my clients arrive in therapy not because something has “fallen apart,” but because holding it all together has quietly become exhausting.

Starting therapy is often described as a brave or empowering step—and it can be. But what’s less often discussed is how uncertain, awkward, or emotionally disorienting it can feel at first. Especially in NYC, where competence and self-sufficiency are cultural currencies, beginning therapy can stir up doubts you didn’t expect.

If you’re considering therapy and wondering whether what you’re feeling is “normal,” you’re not alone. Here are some realities of starting therapy that many people don’t talk about—and why none of them mean you’re doing it wrong.

You Don’t Need a Clear Narrative to Begin

Many people assume they should start therapy only once they can clearly explain what’s wrong. In reality, it’s far more common to arrive with a vague sense of unease:

• Something feels off

• I’m functioning, but I’m not okay

• I can’t articulate it—I just know I need support

In the first sessions, you might struggle to organize your thoughts or worry that you’re being incoherent. This isn’t a failure of insight—it’s a sign that you’re finally slowing down enough to notice what’s been operating in the background.

Therapy is not a performance. You don’t need the right words. Part of the work is finding the language together.

Therapy Can Feel Exposing Before It Feels Supportive

Opening up to someone you don’t yet know can feel strangely intimate. You may notice yourself feeling guarded, overly polite, or emotionally flat. Others feel unexpectedly vulnerable or self-conscious.

This is especially true for people who are:

• Highly capable or high-achieving

• Used to being the “strong one”

• Accustomed to managing emotions privately

None of this means therapy isn’t working. It means your nervous system is adjusting to a new kind of relational space—one where you don’t have to manage, impress, or hold everything together.

Many people seeking virtual EMDR therapy in NYC arrive intelligent, reflective, and deeply self-aware. They can explain why they react the way they do, trace patterns back to childhood, and name their triggers with impressive clarity. Many have spent years in traditional insight-oriented talk therapy without meaningful change. And yet, despite all of this insight, the same emotional reactions, relationship dynamics, or body-based anxiety keep repeating. This often leads to quiet discouragement: What’s wrong with me? Why hasn’t all this understanding translated into change?

The answer is both simple and deeply relieving: insight alone does not resolve how experiences are stored in the nervous system, and this process impedes healing.

And… Repeatedly Revisiting And Narrating The Same Emotional Story Without Processing It Neurologically Can Reinforce The Underlying Neural Pathways, Making Maladaptive Patterns More Entrenched In The Nervous System.

That’s right, the more we relive the same story in our head without resolving it, the more our nervous system treats it as present reality—making old patterns feel permanent rather than optional!

Insight Lives In The Thinking Brain—Patterns Live Elsewhere (An EMDR Perspective)