Considering an Open Relationship? What NYC Couples Need to Know Before Exploring Non-Monogamy
You’ve just learned the couple next door are swingers. You’re intrigued—curious even. Maybe you’ve had conversations with your partner about what it might be like to open your relationship. Maybe you’re quietly wondering: Could this work for us?
In my New York City couples therapy practice, I regularly work with individuals and couples exploring alternative relationship styles—including ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, and swinging. These conversations are becoming more common as couples seek to redefine what intimacy, commitment, and love look like—on their own terms.
Before diving into an open relationship, it’s essential to understand what non-monogamy entails and whether it’s right for your unique relationship dynamic.
What Is an Alternative Relationship?
Alternative relationships refer to romantic and sexual partnerships that fall outside traditional monogamy. These include:
Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM): A broad term for any relationship structure involving multiple partners with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Swinging: Typically involves couples engaging in recreational or social sex with other individuals or couples, often in group settings.
Polyamory: Involves forming multiple emotionally and/or sexually intimate relationships, where love is shared and nurtured with more than one partner.
Open Relationships: A primary couple allows for sexual experiences outside the relationship, often with boundaries in place.
Relationship Anarchy: Emphasizes freedom from traditional relationship labels, hierarchy, and rules. Every relationship is self-defined.
At Holistic Therapy & Wellness NY, I help couples navigate open relationship dynamics, clarify boundaries, and strengthen communication—whether they’re just curious or already exploring non-monogamy.
Common Challenges NYC Couples Face When Opening Their Relationship
1. Communication Breakdowns
Clear, consistent communication is foundational. Non-monogamy demands even more honesty, vulnerability, and emotional fluency than traditional monogamy. Discuss:
Motivations (What are we hoping to gain?)
Boundaries (What’s okay? What’s off-limits?)
Expectations (Are we looking for fun, connection, or something else?)
NYC couples therapy can provide a neutral space to have these high-stakes conversations safely.
2. Navigating Jealousy & Insecurity
Jealousy is normal—and workable. What matters is how you respond to it. We explore:
Where jealousy originates (e.g., attachment wounds, fear of abandonment)
Coping tools like mindfulness, self-soothing, and validation
Cultivating compersion—the joy some experience when their partner connects with others
3. Relationship Problems as a Motive
Important truth: An open relationship will not fix a broken one. If you’re seeking outside intimacy because your emotional needs aren’t being met at home, this needs attention first. I work with NYC couples to repair trust, improve intimacy, and build resilience before adding more complexity to your relationship structure.
4. Time Management & Emotional Burnout
Balancing multiple partners, careers, children, and personal growth is no small task—especially in the fast-paced world of New York City. Together, we’ll create rituals and routines that:
Prioritize your primary relationship
Schedule intentional check-ins
Support emotional well-being
5. Social Stigma & Isolation
Many people exploring non-monogamy in NYC still face stigma or misunderstanding from friends, family, and colleagues. Finding supportive community—whether in lifestyle groups, online forums, or sex-positive therapists in Manhattan—can make the journey feel less lonely.
What Makes an Open Relationship Work?
Establishing Clear Boundaries
Boundaries might include:
Types of sexual or emotional connections allowed
Rules about safe sex practices
Communication frequency with other partners
Emotional check-ins and debriefs
Boundaries can (and often do) change over time. Therapy supports couples in revisiting and renegotiating agreements with care and intention.
Emotional Check-Ins
Regularly ask each other:
What’s working well?
What’s causing stress?
Do our agreements still feel good?
These conversations help strengthen trust and create a container for vulnerability.
Consent, Respect, & Autonomy
The core of any healthy open relationship is mutual respect. This includes honoring your partner’s autonomy and trusting them to uphold shared agreements.
Safer Sex Practices
Yes, things can get hot—but safety always matters. Discuss:
Testing schedules
Barrier use
Birth control and STI prevention
Communication with new partners
Not Sure Where to Start? Therapy Can Help.
Whether you’re simply curious or actively exploring ethical non-monogamy, relationship therapy can provide clarity, tools, and emotional grounding. As a couples therapist in NYC, I help clients explore:
What does “opening up” mean for us?
Are our motivations aligned?
How do we communicate our needs and desires clearly?
How do we handle feelings of jealousy or fear?
How do we keep our emotional connection strong?
Supporting NYC Couples with Curiosity, Depth & Nonjudgment
At Holistic Therapy & Wellness NY, I specialize in working with modern, high-functioning couples navigating complex emotional territory. Whether you’re exploring non-monogamy, rebuilding after betrayal, or improving communication and intimacy, you’re in the right place.
If you’re considering swinging, polyamory, or opening your relationship—but want to do so mindfully—therapy can help you stay connected, intentional, and emotionally safe.
Schedule a Confidential Consultation Today
Explore what’s possible with the support of a therapist who understands both traditional and alternative relationship dynamics. Serving clients in Manhattan, Brooklyn, and throughout NYC via secure teletherapy.
About Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness Manhattan
Kimberly Seelbrede, LCSW is a New York State licensed Psychotherapist, EMDR Practitioner and Couple Therapist with a private practice in New York City, Montana and virtually. As a wellness psychotherapist and holistic consultant, she has received advanced, extensive training in Trauma Therapy, Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Somatic Experiencing (SE), and Nutrition & Integrative Medicine For Mental Health. She is passionate about honoring the exquisite interplay of the mind-body connection. Kimberly Seelbrede specializes in anxiety & mood disorders, trauma and women’s mental health. She brings over 20 years of counseling, coaching, and healing experience to her holistic practice and transformational work.
In addition to online therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma and relationship struggles, Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness offers a wide variety of online services to fit the needs of busy professionals. New Yorkers often lead fast-paced and complex lives, which makes work-life balance and managing career, family and social obligations a challenge. Psychotherapy and wellness practices provide the support to help clients cultivate resources, resilience and enhanced emotional health, as well as uncover conflicts and obstacles that may interfere with having the life they desire.