What Makes a Relationship Last? Essential Habits of Emotionally Connected Couples

Couples who build emotionally satisfying and long-lasting partnerships often follow a quiet formula—a combination of relational insight, intentional behavior, and consistent effort. These are the couples who don't just survive the ups and downs of life together but thrive in a mutually supportive, emotionally rich dynamic.

At Holistic Psychotherapy & Wellness NY, I frequently work with individuals and couples who long for deeper connection and harmony in their relationships. The good news is that relationship mastery is not an innate gift—it’s a set of skills that can be developed. According to world-renowned researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman, couples who succeed share key emotional habits and mindsets. They are what the Gottmans call the “masters” of relationships.

Here are key insights on what emotionally intelligent couples avoid—and what they intentionally practice—to create lasting love and connection.

What to Stop Doing in Your Relationship

If you're experiencing repeated conflict, emotional disconnection, or cycles of resentment, it may be time to examine the following unhelpful behaviors:

Stop keeping score
Keeping emotional tallies of who did what leads to resentment and emotional distance. A healthy relationship is not a transaction—it's a partnership based on mutual respect and shared effort. If you feel the load is uneven, bring it up with compassion and clarity using "I" statements instead of blame.

Avoid power struggles and emotional bullying
The need to be right or to win an argument can drain the vitality from your relationship. Consider whether it's worth the emotional toll. If you're pushing your partner to agree with you, or if your tone causes shutdown, try using more effective communication tools. Being right is not the same as being close.

Stop trying to change your partner
Attempts to control, fix, or "improve" your partner often lead to defensiveness and frustration. Instead, work on accepting your partner as they are—or change how you respond to the behaviors that trigger you. If your partner’s actions are harmful or destructive, seek help from a licensed couples therapist to explore boundary-setting and safety.

Don’t judge or dismiss your partner’s emotions
Feelings are not facts, but they are meaningful. When your partner shares emotional content, meet it with curiosity, not correction. You don't have to agree, but validating your partner's experience can open the door to deeper understanding and emotional intimacy.